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Thanksgiving Bingo

-Mom gets angry and defensive when you ask why we still do boy-girl seating 

-You are asked to explain “that bakery stuff” to the whole room

-Huge fight with a home friend

-Afternoon crying fit because this visit makes you feel caught between worlds

-Someone who ghosted you texts “Happy Thanksgiving, hope you’re well!”

-Awesome hookup with high school ex, which prompts identity crisis

-Surprisingly nice moment where Dad gives some gruff words of maybe-not wisdom but definitely affirmation

-Uncle makes uncomfortable Monica Lewinski joke

-Art snob cousin picks today to come out to everyone (which was sort of your plan)

-Someone brings something called a “cheese pie” which sucks

-Mom brings up your recent UTI anecdotally

-Family friend’s college-aged son still isn’t hot

-You get drunker than you were on Halloween

-Too drunk to trust yourself to explain why what grandpa just said is racist

-Insane amounts of American exceptionalism in the family prayer 

-Dad uses your visit to float the idea of turning your room into a study for him

-Mom heavily implies she hates your sweater by saying “That’s not your color”

-Aunt emails you a link to an article a couple of days later that is evidently related to a conversation you have no memory of 

-You are seated at the kids end of the table because the adults did not want to  hang out with their kids or hire a babysitter.

-The mashed potatoes are sort of weird this year

-Talking about your major, hearing yourself say things like “I don’t think a major really matters”