top of page

What kind of “girly” are you?

By Skye Jalal

Staff Writer

Illustration by Emerald Goldbaum

Every kind of girly has her special way of making her man go crazy for her! Which one are you?

  1. What would you wear on a first date?

a. Something fun and flirty! A day-to-night red top and a pair of heels!

b. A flowy dress I can dance in!

c. Perhaps a large tulle dress resembling a dead bird strewn around my neck, with a giant matching egg to carry with me all night as a purse.

d. A black turtleneck.

2. Who’s your celeb crush?

a. Idris Elba- classic hollywood babe!

b. Ryan Reynolds! Being a good dad is so sexy!

c. Who is open chested And who has coagulated Who can share and Who has shut down the chances? Who is open? And who has shut up? And if one feels closed How does one stay open?

d. Bernie Madoff

3. If your friends could describe you in one word what would it be?

a. Fun! I always know how to have a good time!

b. Sweet! Everyone always tells me I’m the mom-friend of the group!

c. Stonemilker.

d. I’ve been hearing “convicted” from a lot of people lately. Also “warm-hearted”

4. Okay! Now for a spicy question! What’s your biggest turn on?

a. Sue me! I love a man with broad shoulders

b. Kindness is the only real turn on for me!

c. An ACKhoooooooooo, a staaaiiiiiiiiiiiiiinnnn

d. Lying to the press. Wait no, I’d have to say defrauding investors. Or stealing money from sick people- yeah, final answer. That’s my biggest turn on.

5. What is your dream vacation-spot?

a. Venice- I want an Italian man to serenade to me on a boat

b. Paris! The city of love!<3


d. Well, if you ask the IRS, I’ve spent a lot of time in the Cayman Islands

6. What’s your favorite hobby?

a. Playing video-games and watching sports, you could say I’m a guys-gal.

b. Baking! The quickest way to a man's heart is through his stomach!

c. Recording vocals in bat-infested caves.

d. Opening my eyes real big all the time when people talk to me so that they can’t tell if I’m on DMT or a wax figurine.

If you answered mostly A’s: you might be a Hot Girly! You like fast-cars, hot guys, and beer! Guys love you because you’re chill, and don’t cause all that “drama” like other girls do. Next time you’re with him, tell him that you love football and know what an emissions test is- I promise he’ll fall march-madly in love with you.

If you answered mostly B’s: you might be a Girly-Girly! You like painting your nails, watching rom-coms, and eating ice-cream. Guys love you because you remind them of their mothers! Next time you’re with him, offer to do his laundry or offer a warm bottle- he’ll never leave your side!

If you answered mostly C’s: you might be Bjork! Augun þín, augun, steina

Mitt, þitt, mitt Þú, hvað ég meina Augun þín og augun mín

Ó, þeirra fögru steina Mitt var þitt og þitt var mitt Þú veist hvað ég meina

If you answered mostly D’s: you might be Elizabeth Holmes! Hide your keys, hide your trust-fund- this hottie’s coming for your pension! You’re the hottest babe on the cell-block. Guys love to be teased, so start first by withholding his shareholder returns. Before long, he’ll be begging for you in court!

Recent Posts

See All

by Flip Ptarmigan Event Wrangler MAY 1, 3PM - ???, Tappan Square - Truck touching endurance contest This is that thing where like 20 people touch a truck and then progressively more of them pass out o

bottom of page