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Oberlin Announces Plans for New Climate Change Denier Dorm

[originally published 9/27/19]


Oberlin is a place where fierce intellectual debate takes place, and there’s no hotter topic than the climate question. To honor its history of accepting a fair, equal exchange of ideas, the College is announcing the construction of the T. Boone Pickens Climate Change Denier Dorm, funded by a generous donation from the estate of T. Boone Pickens himself. Powered by a giant coal burner in the basement that belches noxious black fumes into the air, the dorm will function as a safe space for those dedicated to ignoring the planet’s imminent demise.

“Oberlin has had a reputation of being a liberal bubble, but we want to push back on that: we’ve always been a place where people on both sides of an issue can come together and have honest conversations about what matters to them,” said director of PR Ronald Windsor. “When ExxonMobil came to us with the offer of financing the construction of a new dorm dedicated to the anti-scientific denial of climate change, we knew we couldn’t pass it up”.

Oberlin broke ground with the construction of Kahn, a first-year dorm with industry-leading green energy standards and the requirement that residents commit to living sustainably. Now, it is continuing to blaze new trails with the Pickens Climate Change Denier Dorm, which hopes to entice those whose lives climate change would not significantly affect in any way.

“Until now, there just hasn’t been somewhere where people like me can feel like they belong,” said son of oil magnate Josh S, who spent last summer personally dumping oil into the Atlantic Ocean for fun.

To complement the new dorm, the college is also planning to offer courses in the new Business concentration, such as the recent addition Ethical Fracking 265.

Climate Change Denier Dorm will also feature an Anti-Vax themed living hall.

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