by Juli Freedman
Bad Habits Editor
art by Eva Sturm-Gross
[originally published November 2021]
You Love Amazon Prime?
You Love Original Series from Amazon Prime like idk Fleabag?
You Watched Fleabag And Didn’t Feel That Fucking Bad About It So Why Not Just Try One More Show, What LIke Netflix Is That Much Better Of A Company? Maybe It Is, Who Knows, But Again, You Watched Fleabag, Bitch.
You Love Lesbians That All Look The Same?
You Love Lesbians That All Look The Same But None of Them Are That Hot?
You Love Lesbians That Are All “Traveling Nurses” Whatever The Fuck That Is or Gentrification Mural Artists?
You Love Millenial Lesbians Gracefully Toeing The Line Between Masc and Femme Which Is Just Snapback and Naked Palette Eye Shadow Look?
You Love The Lesbian Oasis Otherwise Known As Tampa Bay, Florida?
Are You Thinking ‘Why Didn’t They Call It ‘Tampa Gay’ But Then Maybe That Was Too Much of A Cheap Shot, Right?
You Love That The Premise of The Show Is That Cuppie Lived in Orlando For Only A Year And Now Has Just Moved Back to Tampa?
You Love A Group Of Lesbians Where There is No Sexpot Shane Type But Just One Named Shiva Who Asks Girls She Just Met If They Are Curious And Leaves With Nothing?
You Love That The Lesbians Barely Even Kiss?
Even Though There Are Three Couples, There Is Not A Shred Of Sexual Tension?
You Love When One Of The Biggest Plots On The Show Is Which of The Feuding Lesbian Couples Is The Least Annoying This Episode?
You Love That One Character’s Name Tag in The Confessionals Is “Brianna A.k.a Murphy” But Literally No One Calls Her Murphy They Only Call Her Bri?
You Love Whenever These Lesbians Get Heated They Always Say “Don’t Pop Off”?
You Love When Bri Says She Is Built Different Because She Doesn’t Want To Get Married?
You Love The PTSD Of “We Are Friends That Only Makeout When Drunk” Being Played Out Right In Front Of You?
You Have Literally Nothing Else To Watch?
Are You Aching From Gay Ass Heartbreak And Need A Glass of Booze And To Watch Simple-Brained Florida Lesbians Do Nothing For Hours On End To Feel Something?
Did You Say Yes to Literally All Of These?
Then you are ready for the must-watch show of the century SUCCESSION! Sorry I mean TAMPA BAES!