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New Leap Days

By Ellen Efstathiou

Staff Writer

Illustration by Maia Hadler

November 31st

For some reason, I always think November has 31 days already, and I’m tired of getting confused. Now I won’t have to argue with random strangers about how many days November has.

August 32nd

It feels like every month has a holiday associated with it except August, and that’s sad. Putting a leap day in August will make it feel more included with the other months. That way, when all the months are hanging out and talking about their holidays, August can join in the conversation and not just stand in the corner and mutter “I have National Raspberry Cream Pie Day” when someone asks what’s wrong.

Leap Week

At least once a year, all of us have a week that we just want to skip. Now we can! With Leap Week, you just choose a week you want to skip and skip it. For legal reasons, I cannot disclose how you skip the week or offer any information about how much brain damage you will get from Leap Week.

Second January 1st

You know how at the beginning of every year you try and start doing your New Year’s Resolutions, but for some reason or another you don’t get around to it on January 1st and then you just give up? Well, now you have a second chance! Use the first January 1st to regroup and recover from possible hangovers from the previous night, and then start your resolutions on the second January 1st. You’ve still started your resolution on January 1st, so you can say you did it all year.

Standing Still Day

This one deconstructs the entire idea of a Leap Day. Instead of “leaping” in the year, we will “stand still” in the year.

October 15th

This day should now only happen if twenty babies born the previous day sneeze within the first five minutes of being born.

Immorta-month 1st-30th

I’m going to be honest, this one is for selfish reasons. For Immorta-month, we ignore the entire month of April. Then make a new month that we will be calling Immorta-month that will also have 30 days. The reason is that a few years ago, I had a dream where I was told I’m going to die in April. If there’s no April, I can’t die, thus making me immortal.

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