Good or bad?

By Juli Freedman

Bad Habits Editor




[originally published June 2021]

 

Welcome to a segment we like to call (fist pump it with me!) GOOD! OR! BAD! A little game where we tell you if something is a good habit, or quite possibly, a bad habit.



PORN

Good: gets rocks off

Bad: not all of it lesbian


Verdict: good when lesbian


FLUORIDE

Good: for teeth

Bad: for water? I guess


Verdict: Feed me more of that good shit. I want fangs! Mmm yeah refreshing


JUDAISM

Good: Culture (Joan Rivers)

Bad: Services


Verdict: Cultural Jew


FARTS

Good: When mine

Bad: When others


Verdict: Hand to butt, fart, then sniff hand


WEED

Good: Cool

Bad: Your friends that say it makes them anxious


Verdict: Fuck ‘em! Bunch of pussies!


GIRLS

Good: pretty

Bad: complicated


Verdict: I still see your shadows in my room….


CRIME

Good: true crime

Bad: false crime


Verdict: ambiguous crime


FATHERS DAY

Good: Call dad! Oh that guy better have some stories!

Bad: What the fuck do I get this loser? He likes golf, beer, my mom, books about presidents…


Verdict: Swim trunks with a fancy little hairless cat on them! (Something I will steal later!)


BEE

Good: Akeelah and the ___

Bad: *Italian Accent* Mama Mia! I ah kill (keel) a whole family of __s!!!


Verdict: Save the Bees! And by bees I obviously mean the spelling kind!


TV

Good: Shorter than movie

Bad: Longer than phone


Verdict: Phone break during TV


BIG PHARMA


Good: Mood Stabilizers

Bad: Martin Schkreli


Verdict: Great!




Recent Posts

See All