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For Your Consideration: Academy Award for Best Picture - My Rockumentary

by Timmy F.

[originally published March 25, 2022]


Dear Mr. and Mrs. Oscar,

This summer, I directed a music documentary about my big brother Liam’s awesome awesome rock band OpenMouthLizardBoy. It is really good and you should give it an Oscar please. Filmed on my cousin Peter’s old iPad, the film chronicles the band’s grueling process of rehearsing many covers and writing one (1) song, all with just three months until their big gig at Sarah’s party. See the dramatic trials and tribulations of the band‘s constant name changes, Liam’s crush on Sarah the second guitarist who is a Girl (!!!), and that time the drummer was grounded for growing something in his bedroom, all from the iconic practice space of our stepdad Frank’s garage. Stay on the edge of your seat as I document the exciting B-plot of the bassist Phil learning how to do a kickflip! Watch as our dumb stepdad Frank has to step in at the last minute because the new drummer followed his girlfriend to Prague. How did the show go, you ask? Watch the movie!! It boasts rave reviews from distinguished critics such as:

“This is kinda long.”- my camp counselor Jake

“It seems like you had a lot of fun making this!”- my mom

“They are loud.”- my Pop-Pop

It’s 17 minutes and it’s on Youtube as This-Is-Open-Mouth-Lizard-Boy-Timmy-F- Productions-Directed-By-Timmy-F-Songs-By-Open-Mouth-Lizard-Boy-The-Band.mp4. We will all gladly attend the ceremony to accept the award and I think OpenMouthLizardBoy would definitely play a song if they’re not too nervous about it. We live in Phoenix, Arizona, which is so close you wouldn't even have to send a plane, just a limo. Looking forward to hearing from you, Mr. and Mrs. Oscar. Please tell Olivia Coleman my mom loves her and tell Kristen Stewart my sister let me watch Twilight and I thought it was good and I’m not allowed to watch her new movie but I’m sure it’s great and OpenMouthLizardBoy wants to play a song at her wedding please.

I love you,

Timmy F.

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