by Daisy Vollen
[originally published July 2021]
As we all know, Oberlin students are in a unique position as we find ourselves on campus for Hot Girl Summer 2021. July is already coming to a close, and horndogs everywhere are asking: Where has the time gone? When and where will I get to bust a nut? Why didn’t I get recruited to be an extra in the Adam Driver movie? What’s a little guy like me gotta do to get a cum shot around here? We can’t answer all of these questions, but we will do our best to get you started on your journey to enlightenment by providing you with a list of Oberlin College’s top ten best cum caves. If you’ve been on the hunt for a new jizz palace, you’re in luck!
10. APOLLO FOLEY ROOM - 19 E COLLEGE STREET
Those who are into film or have a freaky friend who is should consider getting physical in the foley room above the apollo.
9. SUMMER CUMMER - 194 N PROFESSOR STREET
Too hot for your usual spot? Make a spunk bunk out of that “closet” in the Burton basement that’s actually a normal-sized room filled with 40+ fans!
8. HARK - 113 W COLLEGE STREET
Crunchy cummers will feel right at home in the group shower on the second floor of Harkness.
7. NO PERFORMANCE ANXIETY HERE - 30 N PROFESSOR STREET
Those who frequent Warner Center will tell you “the world’s a stage” and their beloved building is the perfect place to perform! Filled with nooks and crannies for those who need a break from the limelight and plenty of places for public appearances if you like to put on a show.
6. WOMB - 148 W. COLLEGE STREET
Oberlin’s famous womb chairs may not be the most creative option on this list but there’s a reason they’ve been a fan favorite for decades!
Fun fap: You know how everyone always says to bring a blanket or trenchcoat to cover the chair’s gaping hole if you want extra privacy? In the community there’s actually a term for this: your womb chair is now a “DIY bust a nut hut!”
5. CON - 77 W COLLEGE STREET
If you like to shout out while you rub one out but don’t like too much attention you can try out a practice room in the con! And they have AC!!!
4. OFFICIAL JIZZNEZ - 150 ELM STREET
Our Bad Habits’ editor’s dear roommate moved out, leaving a massive hole in the home. Thankfully the space was quickly filled by a brand spanking new cum cave, which has a firm rule that any parties present must receive pleasure. These housemates mean business when they say no one gets to cum out until everyone’s all cummed out.
Still cruising for an oozing but feeling limited by the choices above? Don’t get your panties in a bunch! Get ready for the climax cause we saved the best for last.
3. GIRLS GONE WILDER - 135 W LORAIN STREET
Calling all exhibitionists and adrenaline junkies! This is the premiere public place to blow a load. You may be familiar with the meditation room on the third and a half floor of Wilder, but you might not know that there is a ledge with your name on it if you sneak out the window. This spot overlooks the little lot behind Wilder, as well as the popular intersection of West Lorain Street and Woodland Street, the perfect location to get freaky with a bit of a risk of getting caught. You can even make a fun game of it! Splooge off the ledge and see if any lucky bystanders get caught in the rain from your one man cum cloud.
2. ACACREAMIA - 148 W. COLLEGE STREET
If academia gets you off, you’ve gotta head over to a favorite study spot: Seeley G. Mudd Center. You may have seen signs posted that claim there is “No A-Level Access” right now, but I’m going to let you in on a little secret. This whole “carbon neutral” construction thing is just a facade to distract from what’s really going down on the library’s lowest level. The whole floor has been renovated and now houses the cream castle of your dreams. Students at this institution pride themselves on their open-mindedness and anti-discrimation policies and the A-Level Lust Zone is no exception. Students, staff and faculty, townies, and construction workers alike can all have their fun at this premier party place.
1. ENVIRONMENTALJIZZTS - 122 ELM ST
Do you have a green thumb? How about green cum?! You aren’t living if you haven’t sprayed your seed all over Oberlin’s Living Machine in the Adam Joseph Lewis Center for Environmental Studies. Get in touch with your natural instincts by the AJLC’s own recreation of the “internalized cycling of water that takes place in the natural world.” This room is full of plants so tree huggers will surely feel at home tugging on their own wood in this serene spot. The system used in the AJLC is important to the environmentalists on campus but thankfully the goal here is to conserve water—not jizz! Turn off the faucet and use those dual-flush toilets but don’t let anyone try to police how much you whack off.
I may be giving you hot tips on the best spots to touch your hot tips and tits, but the real story here? You can turn any location into a storage room for your spunk! Just remember: if you dream it, you can cream it.