by Levi Dayan
[originally published May 9, 2022]
Just ten years before today, this wouldn’t have been possible. But today, thanks to the significant progress this country has made in accepting members of the LGBTQ+ community, we can now make lists such as this one. So here, without further ado, are six gay guys, in no particular order.
The first of our six gay guys is none other than one Kevin Matthews. Matthews, or “Kev” as friends and some acquaintances are known to call him, is a 34 year old accountant from Springfield, Ohio. His favorite food is ice cream, and he considers himself more of a dog person.
Coming in strong as the second gay guy on this list is the one and only David Parnell. The 45-year old Parnell, or “Dave” as friends call him, is the manager of a hardware store in Pueblo, Colorado. Parnell says that he is not qualified to comment on whether or not his store carries the most diverse selection of tool storage units in Colorado, as he has not seen enough of the state. However, he adds that he believes it would be a “reasonable estimate” to claim that his store is somewhere “pretty close” to the top in that respect.
It’s fair to say that this 56 year old small business owner from Danville, Virginia has certainly earned a spot on this list of six gay guys. You may have mixed up this gay man with Steven Tyler, the lead singer of the band Aerosmith. Taylor, however, has confirmed to us that he “does not mind” being confused with the legendary frontman, as he considers the band to be “pretty rockin’”.
Four spots into this list is this 49 year old real estate agent from St. Cloud, Minnesota. Richardson’s favorite actor is Tom Hanks, but he says that “if you catch him on the right day,” he might tell you he’s “more of a Clooney guy.”
Toby Meyers, a 28 year old insurance agent from Albuquerque, New Mexico, may be the most controversial selection for this list. Upon determining Meyers was the right choice for this list, The Grape contacted him to inform him of his selection and was met with the confused voice of Chris Schneider, a 41-year old paralegal who is decidedly not a gay man. This called the very nature of this list into question. However, this confusion was soon cleared up when we were informed that Schneider was the next door neighbor of Meyers. Meyers, whose favorite book is F. Scott Gitzgerald’s The Great Gatsby, was happy to be included in this list. Schneider, to his credit, was a good sport about the mix-up, stating he was not offended by the mishap “as long as my wife knows I’m still straight.”
Last but certainly not least (actually, possibly least, considering this list is in no particular order) is Albany, Georgia’s own Todd Smith. The 37 year old car repairman is fond of the warm weather of his native state, but also said that he wouldn’t mind getting the chance to witness snow at some point in his life.