Matisse’s Ghost Really Not Thrilled about Art Rental



Henri Matisse’s lithograph Head, from Visages, is a simple line depiction of a woman’s head. Large, cat-like eyes face directly out. Long hair flows over her shoulders. She poses with her arms coyly held on her neck. This is a piece of subtle beauty: her expression is timeless, her identity unknown, yet, so familiar. This is a piece that deserves to be displayed in a museum, to be seen by all and any who are willing to face her, to stare into those eyes, to take in the youthfulness and joy that is in her face. However, as fate has willed it, for the next six months, this piece will not be hanging in a museum. Rather, it will be Command Hook’d to a thin wooden wall directly above the cum-stained sheets of 2nd year Lucas Gilbert-Green’s dorm room bed, sandwiched between a Medical Amnesty poster, a mini basketball hoop, and a photo of the cast of Jason Bourne


Consequently, in a bespoke, mahogany coffin, buried six feet below the ground at the Monastère Notre Dame de Cimiez, near Nice, France, Henri Matisse himself was recently heard literally rolling in his grave, letting out large groans, quiet whimpers, and deep sobs which have lasted since the first Command Hook Strip was placed onto Gilbert-Green’s dorm room wall. Matisse’s lamenting has been noticed by the entirety of the cemetery, visitors and residents alike, with his wife Noellie (buried right next door) noting that “he hasn’t cried like this since a pubescent boy at the museum joked that ‘The Parakeet and the Mermaid’ (1952) looked ‘just like [his] pubes!’”

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