What The Signs Are Doing This Spring Break

ZOE JASPER // MARCH 8, 2019 

Aquarius: Starting a cult
Pisces: At a meditation retreat, accidentally joining Aquarius’ cult

Aries: Going to the Caribbean alone to swim with sharks

Taurus: Eating postmates naked in bed every night

Gemini: On MTV’s Spring Break

Cancer: Staying in Oberlin and making their seasonal depression even worse

Leo:  Climbing a mountain just to take shirtless pics at the summit

Virgo: Marie Kondo-ing their possessions, friends, internal organs

Libra: Planning their life and marriage with a stranger they made eye contact with in Trader Joe’s

Scorpio: Checking out a new sex dungeon

Sagittarius: Bar hopping and getting free drinks from older men

Capricorn: Their taxes

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