Hey Sis! Two Brown Quee(n/r)s Acting Up

Tinder, douching, and being a snack


ik im a snack but can’t seem to catch any fish here at oberlin :( what can i do?

Not to be shady but honey, let’s make sure to self-reflect and then look at your options because, in all honesty, there really aren’t a lot of snacks around here either. And the “snack-snacks”, the meals, those are all bae’d up by now. They already have people slipping into those sheets, honey. We are balls deep in winter right now, deep into cuffing season, honey. Like, yes, self-love and all that, but also practically speaking, you might not get every meal you want–but that shouldn’t stop you from getting those calories in, okay??? Just like TWC, the meals will be cancelled every once in a while, but we all still got to eat. And like in other coops (Pyle), the meals still happen but they’re not looking yummy, ya know? But they still happen, cuz a heaux has to eat. Look at me with the metaphors. (Balut Bussy)


Do I message first on tinder?

Honestly, no sis. I never do. But I’m really conceited, so I barely even swipe right on Tinder. I usually get like 10 matches cuz like I hold my right swipes very near and dear to my heart--not everyone gets one. If I match with someone, it’s usually because I am either trying to bang, or I like them as a person, or I think they’re really cute. So you should message me first because I feel, like, more important. Is that bad? I feel like that’s self-love. People lowkey be using self-love to be shitty people, BUT that’s a whole different advice column, honey. Basically, a right swipe to me is putting the ball in the other person’s court and maybe later in your mouth! If you matched with someone you think is OUT of your league (you know when someone is out of your league), message first. Be daring, because #boldmovesonly. (Cholula Love)


How do I properly douche?

Okay, so if you’re douching on a dime, use a water bottle. I know that Bussy loves using an old Sriracha bottle, but in case you don’t play with spicy food, use a water bottle! Basically, you drink it--stay hydrated heaux--and you take the top off and fill it with water (do this in the shower). Try to get the water bottles that are like super environmentally friendly, the really thin ones that have a little top (later you’ll be using a different type of top), and literally stick it in there. Basically, you have to Nicki Minaj squat, you know what I’m talking about right? I’m talking Nicki Minaj “Anaconda” cover art squat. You shove it in ya bootyhole and *gently* push water in, and whilst squatting, gently release the water from your bottom button. If you live in a dorm, try to find the nicest individual restroom and do it in there--you know, for the privacy. But if you live in North, like me, just use the community restroom instead. Talk your RA into making it into a program, connect with your living spaces! (Cholula Love)

Have some tea for the quee(n/r)s? Send them your best (and your worst) to:



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