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Automatic Waitlist

DAMANI MCNEIL // SEPTEMBER 27, 2019

Hey I don’t know about you all but the new Automatic waitlist is seriously fucking up my whole system of worming my way into classes by sending a flurry of desperate emails that strike a fun balance of humiliating and charming. You’re telling me that, in light of a change that applies the tiniest dash of meritocracy to the process of getting courses here, I will now have to have the foresight of clearing the eight holds I have on my account in the last 24 hours of the enrollment period?  Next, you’re gonna tell me the front row puppy dog eyes and fake note-taking won’t do shit for me either. 

 

With double and triple emailing you on the last possible day to solve the problem out of the picture, me and you both know I got no fuckin’ shot of getting in to Astronomy 100. My major is not even remotely related to the subject you dedicate your every waking hour to more deeply understanding. I’m gonna be brutally honest--I have only a loose grasp on what even happens in Astronomy class besides pointing out constellations that look like crabs and spoons and twins. 

 

But here’s the thing: until this semester, I could have hit you with a “I’m a prospective major” with complete plausible deniability. And I mean complete plausible deniability. That was my plan. It was all of our plans.  

 

 I was gonna lie to you about how much I’m gonna study, and how I’m gonna throw myself into getting everything out of the experience possible. I was gonna beg and plead with you, remind you that you control the fate of my academic destiny and that without this class I won’t be able to walk the stage (this is untrue --there’s gonna be a hundred identical courses next semester), maybe make a little astronomy joke (please don’t eclipse my registrar dream haha), I don’t know. It was gonna be cute. It was gonna work. It’s worked a hundred times. 

 

I guess my argument is less that I think I deserve to get away with exploiting the kindness of Nobel prize-winning professors because I slept through my registration timeslot and more that it was really fun back when I was able to do that.