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Artists Who Turned Oberlin Gigs Down

LEVI DAYAN // OCTOBER 11, 2019

 

Any Oberlin tour guide will be quick to bring up the big names concert board has brought over the past few years--Lizzo just last year! Kendrick! Esperanza Spalding! But what about the ones that said no? Here are 8 artists that turned Oberlin gigs down:

 

Taylor Swift 

Swift rejected an offer to perform at Oberlin, claiming the college is “not gay enough”.

 

Post Malone 

Malone wrote in his email to concert sound that “this campus is stinky enough as it is lol” but that “Germany is dope, love all the braids (hair braids like mine but also bread braids) so keep living and loving, y’all. Guten tag”.

 

Kanye West

West cancelled a show due to a scheduling conflict with another soon-to-be cancelled show. In a statement, Pib Bodger, head of Concert Board, said “This honestly might be for the best, I didn’t have the energy for the discourse. I mean, if I ever have to fucking sit through another ‘Can you separate the art from the artist’ open forum I’m gonna go full Kanye West on you all” 

 

Insane Clown Posse 

The group refused out of frustration with Oberlin students’ tendency to confuse Freudian psychoanalysis with postmarxism. 

 

Justin Bieber 

The recently married artist refused to perform because these days he mostly just walks down streets with Hailey Baldwin, both wearing complicated baggy clothes, sneakers, earrings, and sometimes hats. Bieber further expressed concern about the recent HFMD outbreak,  which could prove to be deadly when mixed in with his already devastating years-long battle with lice.

 

Bon Iver

Iver is magically transported to the Harkness bathroom every time someone says his name three times in a mirror. Consequently, he associates Oberlin with feelings of intense confusion and rage. “Listen, I don’t know what’s going on, but it needs to stop. Say my name a hundred more times--I’m not playing a fucking show.”

 

Katy Perry

Perry responded to the inquiry, saying “I feel like Liberal Arts kids have not embraced me in the same way that they have Carly Rae Jepsen. A younger me might care, but you know what? I don’t need you guys. I’m just gonna play a show at Duke and make a bunch of M-O-N-E-Y. Rawr.”

 

Carly Rae Jepsen

“Don’t love the idea of having my own lyrics for Emotion explained to me by a sophomore philosophy guy,” Jepsen wrote. Fair, Carly! We<3 u