Anonymous Contributor: Oberlin Visit

ANONYMOUS // OCTOBER 11, 2019

I had to submit this piece anonymously because of the fuss it might cause if I put my name on it. As Abraham Lincoln once said, “My Best Friend is a person who will give me a book I have not read”. Well, here’s an article you haven’t read from someone who knows a great deal about Abraham Lincoln...someone who, you could say, has spent a great deal of time with him. 

 

Anyway, I visited Oberlin last week with my son, Dylan-Dashiel (all of my children have hyphenated first names as well), and it was a jolly good time. He went on a tour, while I posted up in Tappan wearing my Phantom Thread bowtie, approaching passersby, taking off my glasses and shouting  “Why yes I am, the very same”. Again, I don’t want to give away who I am--that would be just the biggest PR headache. And I hate the word famous, because it feels so icky and braggy, so let’s just say that according to my Wikipedia page,  I have been hailed by many as “one of the greatest and most widely respected actors of all time”. 

 

In the info session, the guide emphasized that Oberlin students come from a diverse array of backgrounds, which was great to hear because I had something of a tough childhood myself. Sometimes my mum would turn to me and say things like  “Daniel Day-Lewis, you’ll NEVER be an actor”, “Daniel Day-Lewis, you’ll NEVER win an Oscar or be knighted by the queen”.  But I persevered, just as Oberlin students persevere. 

 

In conclusion, this is a fine institution you’ve got here. Will Dylan-Dashiel Day-Lewis be attending? Almost certainly not. But I’ll never forget the lovely people I met last week, and they certainly will never forget me. Okay, fine, what the hell. I’ll say it--Daniel Day-Lewis. I’m Daniel Day-Lewis. The actor. 

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